"Happy face"

I am having a hard time putting on the "happy face." I'm not out for pity or attention or even help really - I am having a hard time when someone asks "How are you?" Do I tell them how I feel? Or just smile and say good or do I just say hanging in there?? Cause yes I do believe when people ask they care to know - but time and time again when they ask it's going to get old if all they hear is .... - the truth. And i guess the thing is I'm torn with this battle Im fighting because I have such a passion inside me to tell my story. No one know the facts about Lyme - I didnt and to be honest I'm still learning them. But I just want to shout it out so everyone will hear about it. SO many battles people are fighting have to do with LYME. They are linking Lyme to several big illnesses (ALS, Alzheimer's, autism, ADD, IBS, the list goes on and on) and maybe just maybe that's how I'm trying to make sense of it all. Maybe I have this to help others. Do I want to scare people or worry them - maybe a little yeah - cause then maybe they will pay attention the next time they dont feel right but the doctors dont have the answers. There is tons more research that needs to be done - they are saying this is not only carried by ticks - they are saying the blood supply that we all use is not checked for Lyme - they are saying that this disease is bigger than the ones getting all the money for research.
Some close friends and family are worried I am becoming consumed by this - and I think to a point I am. This disease does not attack me the same way from hour to hour or day to day. The doctors are learning as they go and I feel the more I know the more I can help - them, others and myself. SO yes it has turned into more than a hobby - but it's not cause Im doom and gloom - its cause it's not cut and dry. It's not : your arm is broken so we need to do an xray and put on a cast. It's not: you have a bad gallbladder - so we remove the gallbladder. It's not: you have diabetes so we monitor and then regulate your sugars. It's you have Lyme disease: AND The meds we give you right now will make you feel worse and then we will have to change them cause the Lyme will not be affected by them and then they will go into a cyst form and no meds will help for a while and then you will think you are better and we will stop meds and then they will come back into your system with vengeance with a new type of pain and area affected to fight. And no we dont know how you will do on the meds or with the protocol cause everyone is different and the lyme likes to hide and change and we just dont know. SO yes I am consumed - but it's only so I can fight the fight.
That all being said, I know I am strong and I am going to beat this - not with my might but because I am loved by the Lord. Yes I do feel as if Im in a valley in my life but that does not for one second mean I do not have faith or belief in HIS power. Without Him I am nothing and can do nothing. Maybe all this journey is a way to share my light. I hope that is what people see inside as Im fighting - His light and the strength He gives me daily to fight. Do I get wary? You bet! I am flesh and Lyme is not friendly. But this will finish well - for His glory. So ask me how I am - give me a hug - say a prayer for me - and encourage me along the journey.