Decoding with a smile

It's seems like forever since we sent the Lyme kit off for testing. Now do I really think it will come back negative? No - that's why I'm following doctors orders and taking my meds as if I do have it and since the other "Lyme maker" test CD 57 came back so low. But it would be nice to have that closure - Lyme panel check, CD57 check check - part of my list making issues I guess. Thing is, nothing seems to be getting checked off the lists these days. The meds have brought back the "symptoms" so my days look nothing like they should. I mean from the outside I look healthy. And I can hide pretty well behind a smile. But I just wish sometimes you could look at me and SEE what the Lyme is doing to me and my body. Wonder if that makes sense to anyone but me?
It's doesnt last all day long - it comes and goes - with more force at times than others. And to use normal words like dizzy, good/bad, tired etc it just doesnt convey how I'm feeling. To help decode, since the "symptoms" have returned I have felt:
"dizzy" - like Im on the ride at carnivals where you stand against the wall and it spins really fast and then the floor drops down but it's spinning so fast that you dont move
"drunk" - like Ive been out with the girls (in my college years) having way too much fun and then go home to try to get a few hours of sleep before class and the room will just not stop spinning and it even hurts to move my eyes
"tired" - like Ive pulled 3 all nighters and still have more things to get done or like the 1 week of motherhood
"weak" - like when I try to move my legs someone has filled the room with thigh deep jello that I have to walk through
"ill" - like when I was expecting Alex and carrying around a box of Triscuits as all times - this hits during meal time only which can be good and bad
"anxiety" - like i have a million and ten things to do but cant figure out which one to do first - this usually hits though when my to do list is done - restless i guess
"forgetful" - Shane says I'm losing my short term memory - to which I said what did you just say lol just more reason to buy cute post it notes, note books and pens :)

AGAIN - this blog is to help others understand not for sadness, fear or pity. So for those of you who see me and ask how are you feeling and I say just a little tired or dizzy you will understand. I will NOT let this "bug" beat me. I am under the mindset that if I give an inch it will take a mile so I'm pushing back harder than I might should be right now - but I'm pushing. So if you want to help on the days that it looks like I'm battling pretty hard - give me a little push :) and then a hug.