In the valley

You know there are things that I do well - not tooting my horn here but stating facts that we all have things we do well. Just like we all have things we do not do so well. I have a long list of things I am not so good at and the top right now - the one that's being tested is asking for help. I dont do it. I suck it up and solider on, I made do, I try harder but I do not ask for help. I will rearrange my WHOLE entire day just so that I dont have to ask for help for 10 minutes of it. I will drive 100 extra miles so that no one else is "put out" on my account. Do I have friends and family out there ready willing and able to help?? You know I do. I KNOW I DO - but it's my job. It's my job to take care of my family and get them from point a to point b. It's my job!! And I get that God must have some awesome lesson here cause it's painful! It hurts to know I CAN Not do it all - I cant it's just not safe right now - I have to get help. Like my dad used to say It'll feel better when it stops hurting.
I also dont do the "unknown" very well. I am a planner. Planner with a capital P. I need to know what my day/week/month is going to look like and then I make a pretty diagram on the computer and fill in my cute calendar - that's not to say I'm rigid - I'm not - I just like to know what coming so I can best prepare. And this stupid "bug" is not letting me do that. I have no idea what's coming next. From one moment to the next I do not know if I'll be able to stand up on my own or if I'll need help and I HATE IT!!! I hate feeling out of control - I hate it worse than feeling sick. I thought I'd have some type of peace about it once I knew what I was facing but that's just it - LYME is just a name - the way it attacks is changing and the way my body is reacting is too. God bless my husband because a lesser man would have walked away by now or just turned away. He's so wonderful! But wow the burden... he didnt sign up for this.
So to recap - my FAITH is being tested, I need to give up control and I need to ask for help. And all along I thought I needed a good doctor and what I need is in THE ONE! Doesnt make it easier to do it but it makes it easier knowing Im in His hands and He will never leave me nor forsake me and even though I am walking in the valley right now - He is with me and has a mighty lesson of life I need. So if you're reading this - please say a pray for me while I walk this journey.