Learning limits

This week I went back to 2 antibiotics again - just to refresh - I started with 1 then 2 then 3 - once I hit 3 I was having trouble breathing and horrible vertigo - room spinning/couldnt drive/dizzy doesnt even come close to explaining it. So my doc took me off it for a few days then back on again but just 1 for 2 weeks and then back to 2. So I am back to 2 - which I started Monday night - breathing is fine for the most part and no major vertigo - all good news. This means my body is handing the die off of the bacteria better. I spoke with the doctor last night and he told me some other things I need to try to add in - vitamins, supplements, diet restrictions (gulten/sugar/proceeded free food) yum yum! And he added back another B12 shot that he had taken away a few weeks ago. The plan is to go back at the end of June for another visit and see where we are at that point.
Adding more pills and shots I'm good with - whatever will help. Even the diet is ok - not great but couldnt hurt right? The tough part for me right now is realizing my limits - physical limits and stopping before Ive done too much. I start to feel better and I think well I can get so much done right now I need to push and get it done. It's hard to go from doing everything I needed to do - to THIS. And I dont even have the words to express what this is.
Before - I could chase after the kids in the house or outside and just play
Now - We sit for lots of the day - or more I sit - and watch them
Before - I could carry Alex through the entire store while pushing a shopping cart
Now - I'm doing good if I can carry Alex from the kitchen to his bedroom
Before - I could paint an entire room
Now - I was breathing hard painting for 45 minutes
Last night I went up to Grace's school to help with kinder graduation. I needed to cut cakes, plate them, and serve up tons of limeade. Granted I thought I was only needed to 30 minutes so I didnt think I was going to "over do it" - to which my husband of course knew better - he told me that I was not capable of saying no when asked to do something - yes I know he's right lol
So I go in at 6:10 - no one else was there. So I cut, plate, fork and place an entire sheet cake by myself in like 10 minuets - it was more work than it sounds and I was done - hit a wall - DONE. But I could nt stop because the other helpers didnt come. So I keep working and then more mom's came and we work and work - I'm sweating as if I'm doing Tae Bo, my legs are shaking so bad I'm having a hard time walking, I'm breathing as if I'm having my 3rd child and all I'm doing it putting cakes on a tables, setting up cups and adding forks to the plates. - Mind you all the while with a SMILE :) By 7:15 I tell the other ladies I have to go. I get in the car and just want to cry. Before this I would have been not only the first one there but the last one to leave. I would have helped serve and clean up.
The thing is I dont look sick - I feel as if when people see me this way they think I'm lazy or just dont want to do something. And I hate it! I like being able to do things for others. I like running around with my kids.
Shane told me I just didnt know my limits - or didnt listen to them. I think I get so wrapped up in helping or pleasing that I just keep trying to push through - the problem is if I keep pushing my body is going to push back even harder. So the plan is to break it all down. Grace is out of school for the summer and dance is almost coming to an end so that means less running around is needed. I will pick a chore a day and try my best to pull my weight around here - cause let me tell you it's not easy watching Shane run circles around me getting things done that I was trying to get done. We will play when we can play and we will rest when we can rest and we will love and laugh as much as possible!